september 23rd, 2024
Today is another first for Arm Side Fun: an audio post!
Why an audio post instead of a written post? 'Cause I'm fucking lazy, and busy with work, kids, various side gigs, being a fat ass, hate-watching the Cowboys, and scouring the web for porn sites that can be accessed in Texas. Y'know, stuff. So please...do enjoy this ASF audio post, all about hilarious college football scandals.
Some items you'll need to accentuate the experience: The accompanying picture of former Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino, sporting a chewed up face and a neck brace you could see from space; and the link to the Sports Illustrated article about Mike Price splitting a double team during his best night as head coach of the Crimson Tide.
Something I didn't realize about the Bobby Petrino picture until just now...dude's wearing like a XXXXL zipped hoodie, 'cause anything smaller wouldn't have fit over that giant goddamn neck brace. Jesus Christ, that's phenomenal. This picture just keeps on finding ways to make me happy.
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Since we're here and all, and I tickled your balls with an audio post, I might as well empty the ASF tank.
So it's an election year, right? With all the attendant ads, and radio spots, and yard signs, and stupid bullshit that we've come to associate with the democratic process. I had some time last week, so I rigged up some yard signs for some candidates that I would like to see run. (Note: If you're not a fan of 21st century HBO shows, these will make zero sense.)
Road Rasher
Rust Cohle and Marty Hart
Slogan: "The True Electives"
Platform: Private school reform, stricter human trafficking laws, deannexation of Carcosa, monument to Alexandra Daddario's rack erected in each state
Biggest hurdle to election: Can't spot crazy pussy, despite inordinate amount of dick swagger rolled
Al Swearengen and Wu
Slogan: "Let's clear some of the Deadwood out of Washington"
Platform: Relaxed regulations on waste disposal, lower tariffs on Chinese opium, bak wai lo me
Biggest hurdles to election: George Hearst smear campaign, the English language
Jimmy McNulty and Bunk Moreland
Campaign Slogan: "Jimmy...I need some of that pussi"
Platform: Pension bump for Natural Po-lice, reduced sentences for DWIs, Joseph Stewart for Secretary of Commerce
Biggest hurdles to election: Alleged ties to former stick-up boy Omar Little, whiskey